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About Deviant Artist Calrissian Foxx SteeleMale/United States Recent Activity
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Gone by CalrissianFSteele Gone :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0
Literature
This Is My Brain On Mental Illness
I felt like writing this. I'm not sure why. Maybe to perhaps get it out of my head. There are thoughts that I have and don't really like thinking about, but they are there. Sometimes are very difficult to keep away. They can be downright sadistic sometimes and nobody understands that better than me. Like I said, there are thoughts that I have that I don't like to think about. So I go through some feelings in this that are not particularly pretty to say the least, just as a forewarning
But also if anyone is ever curious on what depression, anxiety, and psychosis shit sounds like. This would be it, for me personally anyway. I am officially diagnosed with Aspergers, Depression, Bi-Polar, and Psychosis, just in case you wondered. These are the kind of things I hear when my most darkest moments are prevalant. What I go through when my sicknesses take hold. This is merely a sampling of it.
I'm not trying to write this to be all 'poor little me'. That's not my intent. Although to honestly adm
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Morning... by CalrissianFSteele Morning... :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 1 0
Literature
Parasites
Cremated voices spitting out a wall
Judging the 3rd world from the mall
Teenage babies learning zilch with more than ever
Baiting a race war seems like a noble endeavor
If it ain’t black, then it’s certainly white
The past is unfixable so blame what’s alive
Political salesman got no giving
If a lie ain’t spoken, then they ain’t living
The statesmen are pawns in a game of monopoly
Ignoring the poor as the rich get their policies
He then addresses his voters knowing it’s all a ruse
“You gotta trust me, I’m the best at telling the truth”
Nobody you know said something somewhere
This is not the villain, they’re over there
Phones are a prominent weapon in today’s combat
“Someone disagreed with me? Well you’re stupid and fat!”
But there’s actual people in the midst genocide and war
But who gives a shit? We don’t know who they are
Four Breaking News stories before brunch
As the harbingers of knowle
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:iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0
Lord Barathrum by CalrissianFSteele Lord Barathrum :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 2 0 Imprisoned By Madness by CalrissianFSteele Imprisoned By Madness :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 1 0
Literature
A Sunflower Amongst The Rain
Dodging the bullets, torturing the mind
The faces bloom through the membrane
Abuse, sorrow, and wild moments
Drowning amongst the decades
Strange adolescent memories
A twinkle of time, A sparkle of light
A dream fulfilled surprisingly
A woman admired by sight
Two flowers wilt together
Whirlwind beating hearts
2 twisted loves, souls undone
Brains a distance apart
Passionate and divine
Temptation and connection
When the climax peaks
It’s a mirror among heaven
Kisses shared, love blossoms
Catching each other falling
Laughs being shared
As the girly is dolling
Our paths could sway away one day
And our time together be done
But no matter where we go
We always had us
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:iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 1 0
Pass The Kitty by CalrissianFSteele Pass The Kitty :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 2 0 Inconnu Foray by CalrissianFSteele Inconnu Foray :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 1 0 Self Portrait by CalrissianFSteele Self Portrait :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0 Donut Killer Part 3: On The Run by CalrissianFSteele Donut Killer Part 3: On The Run :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0 Isabella Rossellini from Blue Velvet by CalrissianFSteele Isabella Rossellini from Blue Velvet :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0 Dwondol by CalrissianFSteele Dwondol :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0 Twinklepot by CalrissianFSteele Twinklepot :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 1 0 The Grazing Gaze by CalrissianFSteele The Grazing Gaze :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0 A Visit From Sadism by CalrissianFSteele A Visit From Sadism :iconcalrissianfsteele:CalrissianFSteele 0 0

Favourites

Seungyeon.png by illegalmadi Seungyeon.png :iconillegalmadi:illegalmadi 2 1 Stella Lapis Festivi (2) by dashcosplay Stella Lapis Festivi (2) :icondashcosplay:dashcosplay 102 3 Courtni Outside 2 by Courtniway3 Courtni Outside 2 :iconcourtniway3:Courtniway3 6 3 Long Distance Calling - Avoid the light by Orphydian Long Distance Calling - Avoid the light :iconorphydian:Orphydian 2 2 Earth's Engine Exposed by priteeboy Earth's Engine Exposed :iconpriteeboy:priteeboy 17,176 1,769 MEMEME by ashleyp1788 MEMEME :iconashleyp1788:ashleyp1788 8 13 Broken Future by Ruby-Garnet Broken Future :iconruby-garnet:Ruby-Garnet 1 0 Mantis Religiosa by Ruby-Garnet Mantis Religiosa :iconruby-garnet:Ruby-Garnet 1 0 Death Valley Badwater by Ruby-Garnet Death Valley Badwater :iconruby-garnet:Ruby-Garnet 2 0 Doom- It Has Begun by Kracov Doom- It Has Begun :iconkracov:Kracov 163 78 Cacodemon by PRDart Cacodemon :iconprdart:PRDart 516 77 Doom's last supper by FASSLAYER Doom's last supper :iconfasslayer:FASSLAYER 594 169 Doom: The Last Stand by KillingRaptor Doom: The Last Stand :iconkillingraptor:KillingRaptor 183 47 Archvile by metalpiss Archvile :iconmetalpiss:metalpiss 206 46

Activity


I felt like writing this. I'm not sure why. Maybe to perhaps get it out of my head. There are thoughts that I have and don't really like thinking about, but they are there. Sometimes are very difficult to keep away. They can be downright sadistic sometimes and nobody understands that better than me. Like I said, there are thoughts that I have that I don't like to think about. So I go through some feelings in this that are not particularly pretty to say the least, just as a forewarning

But also if anyone is ever curious on what depression, anxiety, and psychosis shit sounds like. This would be it, for me personally anyway. I am officially diagnosed with Aspergers, Depression, Bi-Polar, and Psychosis, just in case you wondered. These are the kind of things I hear when my most darkest moments are prevalant. What I go through when my sicknesses take hold. This is merely a sampling of it.

I'm not trying to write this to be all 'poor little me'. That's not my intent. Although to honestly admit and I'm sure you'll find it to be obvious, dealing with these illnesses is not fun. And of course I'm not the only person who deals with them. But I do deal with them, and they have broken me down time and time again. But if anything after reading this, I can only hope someone can perhaps understand what's it like dealing with this crap. Mental illnesses are still very misunderstood, I hope this will bring you closer to seeing it from the eye of someone who lives with them.

Thanks. :)


Creep creep, look who's creeping?

Look, if you're gonna come down here you might as well let me out. You can't keep me in here, I'm your nature. This is what you are.
Embrace this part of you. You know the gratification you get when you think of brutally torturing some greedy banker. Slamming a hatchet into the skull of some pharma CEO. Exploding the head of a corrupt politician.Setting fire to a trigger happy cop. Sodomizing rapists with machete's.

They're regret their actions if you hold them to it. They're spineless freaks. Criminals who own the system and work directly for it. They're scum, they're nothing but evil, and they deserve the worst.
You know that's true.

Keep telling yourself about how murder is wrong. Keep reminding yourself about how it's against your moral compass.

If you murder, you're just as evil you accuse them of being.

That's not true. You can kill people for the right reasons. Maiming the people who commit the absolute worst to mankind are certainly worthy of it. Hitler deserved it, right? He deserved what he got. So has any rapist or child molester, they had it coming.
You should be the one. You should kill them. You'll be a hero. You will be a legend. Saving the world from evil by killing one disgusting pig at a time.

Shove a gun into their face as they cry out in regretful agony. Reminding them to make better choices in their next life.
Force them to stare into the barrel of a gun and ask them "Was all the money worth it?" You know, they'll say no. Because they're cowards.

Hatred is the weapon of the weak...

You've lost your fucking skull. Can you really expect to keep this up. Stop being so fucking pretentious and just give in, already. Let your anger out, the world will cower to it. They can't expect to match you.

And even if you go to prison, so what? You'll at least rule there. And if you could rule in prison, that's a pretty good sign of how truly godlike you really are.

This is where you should be. Feeling that burning desire for destroying the wrong side of the world. Humanity will thank you, maybe not right away but certainly later.

You'd have shown them that the world is better without these people. Fucking do it. Murder is right in this instance.

That's not right. It's not the answer.

Yeah, you're right. Just let it go. Live your stupid, pointless life and die in regret as the world torches itself aflame.
Continue to watch everyone destroy everything thing you know. That'll be better. Just hide from it all.

You'll die alone, angry, and with nothing to show in life and nobody to remember you. That's your life. That is how it will end.
You're too undisciplined, you're too talentless, you're a fraud, and you're a joke. Everyone will forget you and all the work you've done will dwindle into the forgotten. It will be all for not. I guarantee you and you know it's true as well.

Keep pretending you'll get somewhere in life. You won't. Your art sucks. It's terrible. Nobody likes it and nobody sees it because it's not worth seeing. Do you understand?

And anyone who tells you they like it... it's a fucking ruse. They're either humoring you or don't have the heart to be honest. They all hate it. They think it's boring. They don't care to see it. And you keep shoving it into their face as if they give a shit.

I'm going to get better. I'm going to have a good and fulfilling life. Live it with love and happiness.

Keep dreaming, sunshine. You're wasting your time. You'll never be anything. You were never meant to be something. You are merely a single person in existence who will also be forgotten like every one else. Leaving nothing behind. You mean nothing, you are nothing. Get... the fuck... over it.

I don't need to 'leave a mark'. I just want to create what I want to create. And even if only 1 person loves it, that will make me happy. I used to feel I needed to make a mark but now... I just want to create.

Is this new? When did this fake ass answer come to you? Who did you hear it from. Cause it's most certainly not your own idea. You're too stupid for that. None of your ideas are original. You're a fake. A phony. You are a worthless piece of shit who's not even worth spitting at.

You've been fucked your entire life. You were meant to be fucked. Life is working against and guess what? Life always wins. You're too weak, retarded, and straight ill equipped to handle life with any kind of success. You're a charity case at best.

You are a delusional fuck. You can't do shit if your life depended on it. You're ugly as sin and no amount of proper diet, excersize, grooming, or even self confidence will take that away. You're too neurotic to function to any kind of reasonable expectation. You are a dust mite in the attic of nothingness. You are shit.

You're wrong.

That's the fucking thing, I'm not wrong. This is what your own mind tells you. This is how you are on the inside. There's nothing wrong about that. How can your inner most self be but a figment?

This is just you being honest with yourself. This is how it should be. You can't escape this charade forever. The doors will open again and you will see it. It always comes back and it does because it's the truth. You can't run from the truth. And the truth is... you are worthless and your life is worthless.

If you kill yourself... it wouldn't be a bad thing. You'd only let go of the pain that you constantly feel deep inside. Let go.

You know you want to.

...<i>
Cremated voices spitting out a wall
Judging the 3rd world from the mall
Teenage babies learning zilch with more than ever
Baiting a race war seems like a noble endeavor
If it ain’t black, then it’s certainly white
The past is unfixable so blame what’s alive

Political salesman got no giving
If a lie ain’t spoken, then they ain’t living
The statesmen are pawns in a game of monopoly
Ignoring the poor as the rich get their policies
He then addresses his voters knowing it’s all a ruse
“You gotta trust me, I’m the best at telling the truth”

Nobody you know said something somewhere
This is not the villain, they’re over there
Phones are a prominent weapon in today’s combat
“Someone disagreed with me? Well you’re stupid and fat!”
But there’s actual people in the midst genocide and war
But who gives a shit? We don’t know who they are

Four Breaking News stories before brunch
As the harbingers of knowledge are out to lunch
None of them agree, but they all have the facts
Maybe their idea of journalism is out of whack
They’ll tell the “truth” on who to be hating
If only we couldn’t trust what seeks ratings

Nothing can stop the thrive of the human parasite
I don’t know who you are but let’s start a fight
A race that struggles to right it’s wrongs
Joke’s on you, this was our fate all along

deviantID

CalrissianFSteele
Calrissian Foxx Steele
Artist
United States
I can just say I want to be a musician and an independent film maker.

Current Residence: Des Moines, IA
Favourite genre of music: Sludge Metal or Stoner Rock
Favourite photographer: David Lachapelle
Favourite style of art: Weird and Dark
Skin of choice: Pale skin...mmm :P
Favourite cartoon character: Master Shake or Brian from Family Guy
Personal Quote: My body and blood may be here on earth, but my mind and spirit wander and pretend I exist
Interests
I do short films (currently) and other random things. So here are some video links on my page. Which I'd appreciate subscriptions very much. :)

My youtube page
www.youtube.com/user/SliverMon…

I even have a Vimeo page I don't use often. But there are videos on there that are not on my youtube.
vimeo.com/user1449025

Corn Star MTV Reality Show Plug
www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5Dp-0…

Disciple Trailer (Future Feature Film Project) With the changed name of 'Follows'
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJk4EX…

Serial Buddies (Future Feature Film Project) [I'm serious...I want to do this!]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcVHt_…

Vampirefreaks Infiltration Contest Commercial (4th place)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCFXOB…

The Crazy Family Easter Sketch (audio only)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FN3Yy…

FIRST SHORT FILM: Pee and Me
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FaxVW…

OFFICIAL Sliver Monstrosity Production Logo (My first attempt at Special FX)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4GkoI…

OFFICIAL Sliver Monstrosity Production Logo (Dark Version)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFgPp7…

-PootieToot- plug for Call of Duty Black Ops and Modern Warfare Online
www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_9zjg…

SECOND SHORT FILM: Epitaph
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUDaOu…

OFFICIAL Sliver Monstrosity Productions Logo (Light Version #2)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsrRqp…

Favorite MST3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000) Quotes
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRfOHJ…

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